Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
