her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
