just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
