then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize