I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
In America we eat man semen.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
