Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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