as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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