My balls are so social today.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
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