she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
