i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
