Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
