I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
