well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize