i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
