Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
