Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
FUCK WHALES
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