she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
