i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
