im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
