Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
