Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
