Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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