I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
