she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
