And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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