There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize