Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
