After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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