the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
