You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
