wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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