he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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