Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
