Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
