You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just found puke in my bra..
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
