I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
