My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
