areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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