Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
