His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize