Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
