he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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