she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
