I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
