Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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