If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
