Don't EVER smell your tampon
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
