yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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