Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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