What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
