wrigley field is MILF paradise
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize