is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
