I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
