If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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