Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
