There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize