All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
