arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
