Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
