Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
