just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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