I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
