people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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