There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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