my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
