remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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