Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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