first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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